Can you keep a secret? If you can, then listen closely….
I sit here as I type this and words…the words don’t come easy. Usually I am a master with words, charming to turn a phrase, but tonight….not tonight. My words escape me because my mind is filled with her. Her? You ask… well we will get to her soon enough. You see there are many who admire me, this I am learning this more frequently than not. Surprising to me in some ways but then again that is just me trying to be modest, when in fact I am not. See here is the thing, I am alone here in SL, by choice really, as I just stated..the offers are many and no I am not just saying that to sound egotistical; for me right now it is fact for whatever reasons. But the bottom line, for all those that admire me, even want me…I only want her. Yeah her…her again, the one you will learn about, the secret I want you to keep for me. As nosy as you are I am sure you think you know who “she” is but you might be wrong, you probably are wrong.
SL is a funny place, it was made to allow a mass amount of people to sign on, join, connect and talk but in the end…I don’t really talk or connect with many people. I am a loner, charming, but loner. I am fine with alone; I am good at being alone. Being alone serves its purpose, I am cold, distant, distracted, opaque, uncaring…just to name a few things I have been called and rightful claim unto myself. I am broken, have been all my life and I take pride in that. All my life I have been attracted to and attracted broken women. I find them beautiful. “She” is broken… of course and of course I am attracted to her in the worse way. Now don’t take that wrong, “in the worse way”, believe me it is a very very good way. I have spent my life being broken and being a fixer, so of course any woman I really choose needs fixing. Not saying that I can fix her, but it’s the fixer in me that pulls a broken woman to me and she to I. I am drawn to “her” like a whisper in the night….
We are beautifully broken she and I, so much so that she makes me feel normal…whatever normal is. I think most people in SL look for connections…no scratch that; they look for the connection. The one that surpasses understanding; the one that feels different than the rest, the one that allows you to be your true self and not be afraid. Talking to her relaxes me even when I thought I was already relaxed. Hearing her voice, the infliction, the tone….I smile at the thought of it now as I sit here writing this secret to you. So I have a crush or maybe more accurate an admiring from a far. I wonder when she reads this, will she know that “she” is “her”..lol or will she think it is about another. If she asks me about it, I will neither deny or confirm, she will be a secret to herself without even knowing it.
All I know is that when I am alone with my thoughts and she is on my mind. The things I want to do to her well, those are probably better left unsaid…..or maybe not. I am standing here bare, naked, leaving it out in plain sight….I wonder if she sees it. She is an illusion, something made up, something I want, something I see myself having; but like any illusion with time it fades. We all do what we need to do to survive, to cope, it is the selfish parts of us that propel any illusion. Maybe this too will fade for me, I don’t know but for right now, for me…she is the most beautifully broken creature I have ever seen.
Blindfold – Mesh Blindfold – E9
Necklace- Pyr Cross – Pekka
Neck Tattoo- The Warrior – .Identity. Body Shop
Arm Tattoo- Minimalist (Lower Wrist Wraps) – Aitui
Pose – Assured Male- Del May
Blog Challenge located here : http://simplydou.com/2013/08/14/the-writers-block-chapter-two/